


Easy

by Peregrine_Took



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst, Car Accident, Grief/Mourning, M/M, sad fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-06 00:27:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11589261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Peregrine_Took/pseuds/Peregrine_Took
Summary: Even as the sound of Sidney's laughter ringing in his ears brings the pain of loss to his mind as if the accident had just happened, he convinces himself it's better than forgetting the way Sidney's breathe would hitch in anticipation, or curl around the word love.





	Easy

He can feel the tears welling up in his eyes and the lump in his throat making is hard to breathe. He tries to take a breath but it’s shutters and gives away his true emotions as easy as they’re felt. He wants to be happy. Or at least, he wants to appear happy. For as many that care about him, or support him unconditionally. But the sob he lets out proves fatal in his attempt to hide the pain and sadness radiating through his body.  
  
He tries to clasp his hands tighter around the stick, but they’re shaking so much, and he tries to catch his breathe but he can’t _fucking_ open his mouth without a another wretched cry working its way out and he can’t do this. He just _can’t fucking do this_.  
  
He looks to Flower, standing rigidly still. His eyes are red and puffy, still glassy from the tears and it brings him back to himself for a brief moment. Realizing there are others as affected by---  
  
_By the way his shoulders would shake with laughter. His smile so big, so contagious. The skin by his eyes crinkling as the laughter bubbled up from his throat and his eyes sparkled. Not at all rare with the team, with his family, with him. Stupid little jokes that’d he tell, knowing Sidney would cry from laughter. The image of his fond smile framed by rosy cheeks, his expression open and so fucking loving, now burned into Zhenya’s mind so deeply it hurts to think about._  
  
His breath catches as they raise the banner, high above the ice, where it will remain for an eternity as long as he has anything to do with it. The eighty-seven so stark against the black background, all he can see is Sidney skating around him breathless. Looking so completely natural and comfortable that for a moment it’s hard to remember him outside of the rink. Hard to envision remembering him without the accompaniment sounds of blades scoring the ice and pucks hitting the boards. He takes his hand to wipe the tear tracks from his face.  
  
Can he even play? He feels unsteady shifting his weight from one leg to the other. His knees buckled when they’d first told him. Nearly threw up every time he thought about it for the next week.  
  
_“What?” The smile wiped clean off his face. The understanding of what Mario was saying was clear, but not real. Not yet. He looked at Geno with a serious expression, but to anyone the pain and sadness behind his eyes was obvious. “что ты сказал?” The question came out harsh, his breathing suddenly harsh and constricting. His mind muddled and fuzzy, he repeats the question in English and Mario’s answer sears hole through his heart._  
  
He can still taste the acidic bile in his throat. It burns now, enough that he can almost taste the freshness of the ice under his blades on the back of his tongue. The lights come back up but the rink is as quiet as empty, though looking around Zhenya can see every seat filled. Every person making up the nineteen thousand capacity quiet and solemn, still gazing at the banner as if it’s going to change anything.  
  
He wipes his eyes again, mind made up, and makes his way---  
  
_Towards the bench, down the tunnel back to the locker room. It hurts to lose on home ice, it always does. It’s worse knowing that while the rookie’s heads hung in an attempt to hide unshed tears, there’s another team celebrating out on their ice with the cup. Zhenya sits in his stall, an incredible feeling of emptiness sits heavy in his gut. Sullivan comes in, his steps seem heavy and his expression is dejected, contemplative. He's speaks as if the game isn’t over yet. As if the final buzzer hasn’t already sounded. His words are for the future, but the heaviness of the moment makes them bleak and unwanted._  
  
_He leaves the room and deafening silence filled only with the player’s thoughts._  
  
_“Geno,” Sidney pulls him from his thoughts, and much like it has hundreds of thousands of times in the past seven years, the hopeful smile Sidney had pulled something in his chest, “It’ll be okay. We’ll get’em next year.”_  
  
Now alone in the locker room, four and a half months since their second Stanley cup finals loss, and a month since-  
  
A Monroeville man was indicted Friday in connection with a fatal crash in the City of Pittsburgh, prosecutors said.  
  
The crash killed Pittsburgh Penguin’s Sidney Crosby, 28, of Cole Harbour, Nova Scotia, Canada.  
  
James Weathers, 35, was indicted by a Pittsburgh grand jury on felony charges of first-degree vehicular manslaughter and second-degree manslaughter, as well as charges of driving while intoxicated.  
  
The crash happened at 12:18 a.m. on Oct. 1. Prosecutors say Weathers was speeding and under the influence of alcohol as he drove on I-579. His truck crossed the intersection and into oncoming traffic---

The words keep playing in his mind, on an endless relentless loop. Constantly at the back of his mind with every word of affection and every term of endearment. But even as the sound of Sidney's laughter ringing in his ears brings the pain of loss to his mind as if the accident had just happened, he convinces himself it's better than forgetting the way Sidney's breath would hitch in anticipation, or curl around the word love.

 _It’ll be okay_.

**Author's Note:**

> ;(


End file.
